I’m Breaking up with JJ Abrams

Saw Star Trek last night. That was the last straw.

(Mild Spoiler alert, but really i think i’m the last person to see the movie, so…)

I had hoped JJ would get over the lens flare. I was wrong, dude really likes lens flare. Must be the most distracting place to work in the universe. I’ll stop bitching about my mac having a reflective screen now.

I had hoped he’d stay true to his word instead of playing carnival midway games. “It’s not Khan. It’s not. It’s John Harrison…” Only to not surprisingly at all reveal that no in fact it’s Khan. How original JJ. Khan in the second movie. Less original making a big production out of keeping it a ‘secret’. We’re lucky the ship didn’t turn out to be an island with a polar bear on it.

Knowing it was Khan (Yeah I never believed for a second it wasn’t) I was hoping it wouldn’t just be a hatchet job on the original time line Trek 2. But we got “The good of the many” and we got “KHAAAAAAAAAAAN” Makes me wonder how many “I AM your father” and “Scruffy nerf herder” we’ll get in the new Star Wars.

My biggest beef is nerdy though. Ok nerdier than the above. Is it that hard in movie making to manage a sense of scale? I know abramprise is bigger than the original time line, by a lot, but inside it’s like a damn tardis! The engine room, is a square mile (it seems from the running around that happens in it) of pipes and steam. Is the enterprise steam powered? No it’s actually powered by a strip of electricity going between two nodes… Uh. I guess we’re lucky there wasn’t water pipes in it like last time.

I’ll leave alone the enterprise underwater, and flying through the skies. I’ll leave alone communicators reaching from earth to Kronos.

But a launch bay off the side of the ship? That’s never been done or seen, yet when it’s time to leave in a confiscated ship, why use the main shuttle bay, even when the ship is parked next to the shuttle craft, when there’s some type of side launch bay, just the right size for that ship.

For a ship of peace having several dozen lateral torpedo tubes along the secondary hull was mighty convenient when it came time to launch a lot of torpedos at Kronos.

 

I went in knowing my trekkie side would be annoyed, and even armed with that expectation, was more annoyed than i thought I’d be. On the plus side, the dialogue wasn’t bad, the fight between Uhura and Spock with Kirk in the middle was classic. The action and fighting were great. For a “Summer Blockbuster” it at least was a good way to kill two hours and eat too much popcorn.

I guess I should be happy the solution wasn’t “Hit Khan in the face with a big red water balloon” I think if he makes any other Trek films (And honestly hope he doesn’t, let someone else ‘reboot’ the franchise, PLEASE) I’ll wait for them to come to Netflix.

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